So it’s been another slow news week. At least from our perspective of having written this column on Tuesday. Surely, nothing else has come up since then... Anyway, time for our regular news quiz.

1) Not knowing what else to do with their tons of barrels of melamine-laced milk, manufacturers in Guangdong have been dumping it into the local river. What was the rationale behind the decision?
A. Could help spur side business of Rancid River Cruises
B. Goes great with melamine-laced cornflake factory dumpings
C. Who ever heard of a lactose-intolerant fish?
D. That’s just the place where people dump stuff

2) Aging British politicians Ken Livingstone and Chris Patten passed through town last week. What were they here for?
A. Hunt tigers
B. Shopping for cameras down the Golden Mile
C. Lost on the way to Anime Comic-Con
D. Basically just mouth off to whoever will listen

3) The Federation of Restaurants president is predicting that up to 40 percent of all restaurants could close during the coming recession. What type of restaurant will be most affected? 
A. Stinky tofu dessert joint 
B. Jethro’s Sub-Prime Rib Shack 
C. Krug ‘N Kaviar

4) Due to the worsening economy, rents in Central have begun dramatically dropping. What is the predicted trend for 2009?
A. IFC converted to tall barn
B. New Mega-Tower downgraded to Petite 
C. Landlords must offer two months free rent by April
D. Balcony jumping by May

5) Thousands have been protesting over their value-less mini-bonds. What is a mini-bond?
A. Scam to trick taxi drivers out of their fortunes
B. Pasties to be worn with very short skirts
C. Something for dentures
D. Rip-off of bad Mike Myers movie